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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

(2)

2)London, November 5th: While the government is gaining more and more power, the citizens of London remain silent. they continue going along with the new laws,finding comfort in their everyday routines. Afraid to break the routine, or speak out; the citizens are now faced with: curfews, being under surveillance, and having the government control their every move. The routine remained the same until November the 5th, when one individual (who express his himself as a credible person to listen to) decided to speak out; and show London how unjust the government was.

By first taking over the news station, V was able to show his speech to London through the emergency channel. Throughout the speech, V expressed many emotions; and openly expressed his opinions. the speech ran in the middle of the day, and had broken the normalcy of London. V began the speech in a calm but informative way, "Allow me first to apologize for this interruption." He expressed to the people that he understood their shock, and new they were use to the comfort of everyday routine. Yet V wanted to make a statement, "I thought we could mark this November the fifth, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat."

V then goes on to explain how unjust the government is, as he attempts to show London the "truth", " And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country; isn't there?" V also explains to the people that he suspects what going on, and because of the governments power; they are trying to keep the people silent. While the citizens are unaware of the governments actions, V knows they are equipped with weapons; and backup.

Then by blaming the people of London, V attempts to make them feel remorse for their actions. He claims that they once had the ability to speak out, object to what they wanted, and do as they pleased. And when the government started taking over, they did nothing about it. After evaluating the citizens, V comes to conclusion that some are more to blame than others, "But again, truth be told..if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror."

After blaming the citizens, V began to show them compassion. He claims he knew why they keep silent, they were promised peace; and because they had been scared they went along with it. Though to end the silence, V took some actions of his own. In a proud and stern way, V explained to the people how he destroyed the Old Baily. V wished to make November the fifth a day that would be embedded in their minds forever. In conclusion, V tries to get the people of London, to meet him outside the gates of parliament; "And together, we can give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever, be forgotten."

2 comments:

Mr. Hughes said...

P1: "who express his himself as a credible person to listen to" has grammatical errors and could be worded differently---this paragraph is evidence that you understand the argument

P2: How does one "show" a speech?--it wouldn't hurt to replace "way" with "tone"--after quoting someone (V in your case) always break down their words in the following sentence in order to illustrate the speaker's purpose--never end a paragraph with a quotation (keep in mind my previous comment on using quotations)

P3: Reads like a summary instead of an analysis of a speaker's words

P4: Try to refrain from ending para. w/ quotations

P5: "began" should be in present tense; maintain consistent tense--once again, change "way" into "tone"--no comma between "London" and "to"

PROS: You understand the argument. Very good. This is required to write a rhetorical analysis. You focused on tone and the forensic aspects of the argument. Also, you alluded to V's ethos.

CONS: I think you're trying hard to remain fluid in your writing, but in your effort to prevent rigidity, you've become more fluid than necessary. The result is that your analysis often reads like a summary.

Final Thoughts: All in all, your first stab at a rhetorical analyses was not bad. Please copy these comments to a Microsoft Word document in order to keep a log of my comments--that way, you know where to focus your efforts for your next essay.

Mr. Hughes said...

I'm grading 3rd block analyses right now, and since I've already commented on your analysis (and I see no changes), I will make no further comments.